Both suffer

My first and unique serious relationship till now took me 4 years. I was 16 and I did not know what I was doing. It didn't take me so long to realize that I was the full head of the relationship while she was the heart.
We were the perfect couple but, at time, I became emotionally empty while she turned into an obsessive and jealous woman.

One day I decided to break up. She deserved the truth so I told her the raw reality.  I didn't love her. 
I knew what love is because she was in loved with me but my feelings wasn't even close to hers. It was horrible. I still remember her face of pain. She was crying as if her mother had died.

People thinks that the one who finish a relationship doesn't suffer but it is not true. It is really hard living with the doubt if I did well or not. I tried without success to move on by travelling and sleeping with other women. I knew I didn't want to be with her, but moving on is not easy. She is a nice girl that I will always remember. I shared with her my first love feelings, my first sexual experiences and more.

I know that it is strange but I want to be in love as she was and feel the pain she felt. I think it is just what I need to know what is to be in love.